Small Fixes, Big Feelings
What really happens when we change what needs changing?
Last month, a friend called and asked me to come over. Like a code-orange-kind of COME OVER. 🛟
I knew she’d been struggling with some family and work stuff and felt like she couldn’t get anything to move/shift/resolve (who else can relate?👯♀️). I hopped on the subway, and while the kids were at school, we sat down in her kitchen with some snacks and talked. What came out was what I was partially expecting…but then some other stuff surfaced, too.
…I can’t focus.
…Things are falling apart.
…I don’t want to live here anymore.
…I hate the way I look.
…I need to get DIVORCED!
I listened…to all of it. Figuring we would start with something that could ease us into everything else, I asked her why she didn’t want to live in her apartment anymore. She immediately shot off a laundry list of things she hated about her home (which, by the way, is pretty dreamy w/views and space, etc.). What she listed weren’t even really big things. More annoyances/complaints than real structural issues. Things like: I hate the floors! I have no place to work! Our dining table is too small!
“But what if we move the dining area over here where there’s more room for a bigger table? Could that work?” I asked her? Her eyes got wide. “Could we do that??” she asked. Mind you, this is a woman who has led giant global companies + teams, given presentations in front of thousands of terrifying people, and regularly hangs out with film legends. “YES,” I told her. “You can move your table. And get a new one.”
For someone who secretly hates change, I like to change our apartment a lot. Shades, rugs, new/old artworks, a sofa or chair, here and there 👹. When the pandemic happened and we were at home ALL the time, I squarely faced all the little bits of our apartment that truly bugged me. Most of us did. What else could we do other than spend hours cooking beans and planning all the home improvements we’d been avoiding?
Two of my favorite pandemic upgrades—dare I say two projects that helped me conceive this newsletter after I’d left a job I’d had for 15 years and really didn’t know what I wanted to do next. 1) Creating a mosaic around our fireplace with tiles from Huguet in Mallorca and 2) Installing a hidden pegboard “closet” for Raffi behind her bedroom door.
Facing and fixing things that need fixing—home and otherwise—is one of the greatest things we can do to A) get out of a Life Rut and B) procrastinate from doing other shit we should also probably be doing. 👹
IMHO, mending/upgrading small things is the absolute lottery—yielding all the joy and satisfaction of a big hairy reno w/out the mess/cost/nervous breakdown. Fixing small things also helps us fix bigger ones. It’s like that Albert Einstein quote, “Nothing happens until something moves.”
You might not see it immediately, but when something visible shifts…the invisible starts to shift, too. Stuff flows again, and we start to see and know how to map the road ahead. With a whole new apartment…or just some new curtains.
Before our new kitchen cabinet doors were fabricated, I tricked out some leftover Maharam fabric into makeshift curtains to conceal our cacophony of cleaning products. Even this temporary phase of change made me SO happy.
In the last four months, we took on four mini upgrades in our little apartment that have not only improved the look of our space but our quality of life, too. Four spots that needed mending and just a newer/better chapter, including the kitchen makeover I’ve been wanting to do for years (!!) and re-imagining our daughter’s room—which is empty all day while she’s at school—into an extra swing office/work space.
I do not want to minimize what it feels like to really fall apart. To want to change EVERYTHING in your life…to want to start over. I have been there, too.
But sometimes, when we grab a true friend to look around our own space, into all the corners and spots that make us absolutely crazy with frustration or rage (things we can actually FIX) we sometimes realize we don’t need a divorce after all.
Just a new dining table. ❤️
Quick note before we get into today’s story—a tiny/giant THANK YOU to Helix for being such a wonderful ATA partner here. When we announced that we would start renovating our upstate Doctor’s Office (Dr.’s Inn:) this summer, they generously offered us a few mattresses to make our in-between time there a little bit cozier.
The room Raffi sleeps in was, in fact, the original doctor’s office—wood paneling, shelving, and all. It was too tiny for a bed frame, so we dressed up her Helix mattress on the floor with beautiful blankets and quilts (post-renovation, she’ll have a proper platform:). At night, when we read in bed, Raffi tells me how much she loves her room here and how much she’ll miss it when this phase of our upstate home is over. I know what she means. Thankfully, we have so many incredible images documenting this phase of the journey, and I’m thankful to Helix for being a part of it. Reminder to all ATA readers: Helix is running its July 4 sale with 20% off site-wide through the holiday. (AND for tiny apartment dwellers in particular, Helix offers a Twin XL size if you need a little more bed in a not-so-big-spot.) We’ll be announcing the winner of last week’s mattress giveaway soon, and thanks to everyone for dropping your names in! #helixsleep #helixpartner
1. Creating a Tiny Restaurant-Style Working Kitchen.
The Challenge: Thinking back 12 years to creating the original design for our tiny kitchen is like a fever dream. We painted the cabinets black (???), which at the time contrasted nicely against the white-painted wood floorboards. But over the years, the paint chipped, the doors got dinged and warped, and the floor revealed patches of bare spots where we walked and stood repeatedly pulling cans of seltzer from the fridge or scrambling eggs. The busier life got, the simpler I wanted our kitchen to be. So, when I spotted this story in T magazine on the designer of Dean & DeLuca’s home in East Hampton, I had my answer: Making a simple cabinet upgrade that was as much an homage to the Dean & DeLuca I missed + longed for as it was a chance to make our teeny kitchen chicer and more functional.
The kitchen (above) that inspired our new kitchen (below), the Long Island home of artist Jack Ceglic and his partner Manuel Fernandez-Casteleiro, photographed by Blaine Davis for T.
Timing: After Kevin shared the specs, the crew came and took the doors with them to ensure the stainless-steel copies were exact. Even though it only took about a week and a half for them to turn the new cabinet doors around, I still covered the nightmare of seeing all our cleaning supplies exposed with some Maharam remnant fabric leftover from another project (friends: I am not looking for a medal here, but I created these “curtain” doors myself and I LOVE them).
Cost: $1,200
The Result: Honestly…bliss. I love the reflection and the way the steel picks up light. They’re hard-wearing, so we don’t have to worry about dents or scratches. They’re easy to clean, and it could just be my wishful thinking but the steel makes the space look slightly bigger, too.
Bonus upgrade: Even though I sort of like the weathered painted floor, I yearned for that full makeover feeling, so we used this change as a chance to install a proper full-size runner rug. Our choices were limited given the dimensions of this super tiny space are hella narrow (a 2x7-foot runner was the goal). We landed on this machine-washable rug by Revival (on sale now, woo!). The first thing Kevin said when he stood on the rug at the counter was that he loved how it felt underfoot. ✅ (Like, why did I never think to put a runner here before??)
Above, two of the Woodward Weave rugs I wanted for our kitchen runner but they couldn’t cut it in the smaller size I needed. Below, the kitchen runner runners-up 😎 from IKEA and Hawkins New York.
Last little bit: I thrifted this vintage lamp at the Goodwill for $5. Every kitchen, old or new, needs some mood lighting in the evening at bed/tea time.
2. Expanding our Dining “Room” w/a Built-In Window Seat.
